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| (Marvel Studios) |
The tears will be flowing as I watch "Avengers: Infinity War" Thursday. Hell, I'm emotional right now just thinking about it.
And I don't care.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe means a lot to me. Kind of like that "Wrestling is still real to me" guy. Being invested in something for more than a decade can do that. In this case, actually way back to when "The Infinity Gauntlet" was released in 1991.
It's much more than a testament to how great the MCU movies are. A real argument can be made to say the MCU is revolutionary. The series is not just sequel after sequel after sequel. It's all about relationships and connections. Everything is connected. Everything is built on relationships. That breeds investment from the audience.We are about these characters as if we were actually friends or family.
That extends outside of the scope of the scripts too. People have stories of seeing these films with friends and family. Good times to remember. It's not the foundation of our friendship, but it's something that binds my best friend and I together. We once did a 27 hour Marvel marathon together. Normal people don't do that kind of thing, but fans do.
So, from a fan's perspective, it's a bit emotional when the commercials ask "Where will you be when it all ends?" Someone cue up "Closing Time" from Semisonic.
Why, yes, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." I am excited for the future, but also frightened because I've read the source materials dozens of times.
The journey's end is also emotional for other reasons. Going to the movies together was something that connected me with my dad. He was a Marine and a sports guy, kind of the opposite for myself. We didn't have a lot in common. Or talk much. He wasn't a monster, it's just the way he was. And Vietnam messed him up.
I could always count on my dad to want to see the new James Bond movie together. And the MCU movies. Even if it took me watching them more than once, we always made it a point to see them together. And then we'd chat after each one. Not one of those in-depth nerdy chats, but talking about why we liked the film, what's coming next etc. I looked at these moments as a relationship vacation. He wasn't like that all the time, but I could count on (and look forward) to these moments.I'll never know if he did this because he really liked doing it or it was a way to reach out and connect with me.
The last film we saw together was "Civil War." But, he was still alive when "Doctor Strange" was released. One of the negative aspects of our relationship was me seeing some of his health issues as "the boy who cried wolf." He had been in the hospital countless times and a lot of those times felt like he wanted attention than wanting to get better. I can't remember what led me to not seeing "Doctor Strange" with him, but it now signals to me that it was the start of everything that led to his death less than two months later. It haunts me that I screwed up one last chance to have that with him. He was in the hospital for 2 weeks before his death. And I didn't visit him once. Part of me thought he was milking it. Another part of me thought he would be out every single day that passed. I know I'm an asshole, trust me, I've lived with that every single day since Jan. 14, 2017.
The first movie after his death was "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2." Yes, the story filled with daddy issues. Saw it multiple times, cried multiple times. I often think about if my dad would have liked "Guardians 2." I know he missed his dad in a big way. I wonder if that would have brought us closer together. My mom actually saw it with me, it was good for both of us.
"Where will you be when it ends?" makes me extremely sad. I know these movies will continue far after I'm gone, but this part of the journey is coming to an end. This experience with my dad is coming to an end. And my dad is not here to see it.
On the plus side, my niece has become invested in these films. I will be seeing "Infinity War" with her Thursday night. I may never get to know what it feels like to experience this with my dad, but perhaps this is a golden opportunity for her to experience this whole thing as I did with my dad. This time with no regrets on my end.